Holy Cow!

We have all heard the saying “Take the bull by the horns.”  Let me tell you in reality, that is terrifying thought.  Herds of cattle walk along the road, slow down traffic, graze in people front yards, this is a common sight here in Jinja. To be honest a sight that I am accustomed to seeing, but never quite used to.   This is where my story begins….

About two weeks ago our car broke down, very common here in Jinja as well.  I was on the phone with the mechanic describing the problem.  I was in front of our house, off the road, off the beaten trail and standing under a mango tree.  I heard cattle coming from behind me, not a big deal; remember this is a common occurrence here in Jinja. I had my back to the herd and was in the middle of explaining my vehicle problem to the mechanic.  All of the sudden I feel myself being pushed from behind, not a little push, not even a little shove.  A full on rapid forward movement, in fact my feet were skidding along the ground. As you can imagine I was shocked, having no idea what was going on and resisting with all my might to hold in the scream of a little girl that was welling up deep inside me. I looked down to see what in the world was going on.  To my shock, there were two giant horns coming out on each side of my waist.  The horns had to be at least 10 feet long.  Ok, maybe a bit of an exaggeration, but when you are being  pushed along and there are two enormous horns on either side of you they seem 10 feet long.

I’m not sure exactly what came out of my mouth screams, jumbled words, inaudible noises, but whatever it was it was much to the delight of the boda drivers across the street who were all laughing hysterically.  At this point all I could feel was my feet trying to gain traction on the ground and my bottom planted squarely on the head of the bull.  When I realized I was being pushed by this enormous beast, I literally jumped off of its head and slapped him between the eyes.  Now this seemed completely rational at the time, but as I ran behind the mango tree and contemplated my escape route, this giant beast of burden began stamping his foot and shaking his head at me.  Maybe the slap on the head was not my best plan, this seemed to anger him more than whatever it was I did to offend him originally.

 I had two thoughts, go up the mango tree or up and over the wall that is covered in razor wire.  This wire is super sharp, the 6 inch scar on my leg can attest to that.  I thought my best plan was to climb the mango tree. At this point the bull decided he had proven his point  and meandered back along the road. He left me frazzled, missing one shoe and in shock under the mango tree.  At this point, still not fully aware of what just happened I heard the mechanic on the other end of the phone “Mr. Jason, Mr. Jason are you ok?” I am not sure what I told him, but again this sent the boda drivers into uncontrollable laughter.

Retelling my frightening tale at home to my wife, expecting sympathy or a medal for heroism in the face of danger, do you know what I got?  Laughter. Lots and lots of laughter. Her only comment was wishing she had been able to capture the moment  on video. Surely we would have one big money on America’s Funniest Home Videos.

They say if you mess with the bull you get the horns……………well I am here to tell you sometimes even when you don’t mess with the bull you get the horns anyway. For the record I found my shoe and the five foot skid marks from my death defying encounter.

The next day we were driving into to town and I was able to find the same herd and get a picture of the terrifying beast.  I am pretty sure he was eyeing me down.  Sometimes I break into a cold sweat thinking of this giant black and white beast with huge black tipped horns.

Take the bull by the horns they say…………….I say that’s a bunch of bull.
Matthew OrtegaComment