What Have I Learned?.......
As I reflect back over the first seven weeks of this journey of transformation and relationship, I am amazed at how far we have come. I feel God has done some serious work on my heart and that He has some serious work left to do.
I think the first thing God did was to open my eyes. I have lived in the same city in which I was born for the last 35 years. This is the first time I have lived outside of
. From College Station, Texas to Texas , wow! Uganda is a wonderful place and will always be home for me, but it is also the place that shaped my world view. The only world view I have truly know to this point. God has rocked my world with the respect to world view. I have been made to realize the shaded and jaded lens through which I have been viewing the world. I think back to the story of Saul, how he was called by the Lord and was blinded. Once he was ready and prepared by God there was no more Saul, only Paul. I feel like in the same way God opened Paul’s eyes, He is opening my eyes to allow me to truly see the world around me. My world view is still tinged in the colored lens through which I view the world, but the color is becoming less my own and more His. I have learned we all need God to come and take the lens off our own world view. College Station
I have also been made to realized how “me” centered my world is. One quote really stood out to me in reference to the temptation of Adam and Even in the Garden and the fall of man; “Adam and Even gave up a God centered world and traded it for a man centered world.” This me centered world has formed my image of God. I have been trying to make God conform to my image for my benefit….it just doesn’t work that way.
I have learned I am a wounded person with an orphan heart. I have physical parents who love me very much and provided for my every need and desire. However, I still bare some of the characteristics of an orphan heart. I have the fear of rejection…..What if I am not good enough? Greed……what if I do not have enough? Independent spirit…. I do not need any help, I got this. I also constantly strive for approval, and try to prove myself and my worth to those around me. I have also learned that I try to carry my wounds on my own. I can not handle them on my own but I need to take them to the cross. These things are just the beginning of what I have learned. Yet, these things will help me tremendously with the work in the Healing Faith ministry.
Before I can help anyone, I need to first help myself through Him. In order to help someone with their struggles I have to understand their world view. I may not fully understand or comprehend their world view, but my eyes will be more open to it. I will also be able to identify the characteristics of an orphan heart and work through the issue with orphaned children. First, I must build a foundation based upon a relationship. If I build a foundation on what I have to give physically, it will crumble when the physical gifts run out. However, if we can build a foundation on relationship, we can build a large structure, one that will last and one that can weather the storms. I know realistically that I cannot tear down the walls of defense that some of the orphans have built all as once. Yet with His help I can break down the walls brick by brick, day by day. I am not the whole solution to the problem but a tool God has chosen to use. The more willing and obedient I am the more God will sharpen me as His tool and use me as His craftsmen.
The lessons I have learned and the lessons I will learn will make me a better follower, better husband, and better father. I pray God will use this season of my life to soften my heart and make life long changes in me that can be seen through my children and through the generations.
“I will not leave you all alone like orphans; I will come back to you.” John 14:18