Spider Man

So I woke up last night about 1:30 am to go comfort Hadlee who was crying out. This is not unusual since at least one kid is up at least once a night since arriving here in Uganda. I tucked her back in and half asleep I walked back to our room ready to climb back under the mosquito net and cuddle up in bed. That’s when the adventure began……..  There perched on the wall about 10 inches from where my head lays on the pillow each night was the largest, creepiest, ugliest, keep going with your own description, spider I have ever seen.  It was about as big around as lemon including its legs.  It had huge pincers that it kept clicking together when it saw me and realized we would have a confrontation and hairy legs.  At this point Kari was awake, probably due to me freaking out.  So the showdown was on…… after a carefully concocted plan that included a piece of orange construction paper and a Tupperware container, I made my move.  Now Kari might say that it took a long time for me to work up the courage and that there was a bit of hesitation on my part, but don’t believe her since I am the one telling the story. I made an attempt to trap the giant beast against the wall in the Tupperware container, I then planned to slide the construction paper along the wall and collect the spider in the container.  The spider must have read my mind because as soon as I slammed the container against the wall the spider side stepped and just stared at me.  It then dropped down off the wall onto the night table onto my shirt.  With great bravery I came up with a new plan……. This plan was to get a giant plastic box, the ones we packed in, push the shirt with the spider into the tub and run it outside.  Again, the spider must have read my mind because it leisurely climbed back onto the wall.  Back to square one….  So we did the whole Tupperware plan over again, you guessed it, same result.  This time the enormous spider jumped down onto the floor and began to scurry away.  Now at this point Kari is huddle under the mosquito net, which provided a false sense of security, she was yelling to get it or she would never be able to go back to sleep.  With all our combined bravery, which would have filled up a thimble, Kari moved the night table and found the beast crouched down.  I actually thought it was a different one that was dead; however the spider was just playing possum.  At this point I had enough; I went and got the all powerful Doom.  Doom is the Ugandan version of Raid, just a lot less powerful and smells a lot worse.  I sprayed the spider down with a fog that would have grounded the most seasoned airline pilot.   After the fog cleared literally, the beast had the audacity to move again and run behind the cabinet.  I then proceeded to let loose another fog that would have made an NBA arena proud.  At this point the spider was shriveled up and dying, for good measure I gave it another blast.  After this great adventure, I tucked the mosquito net into the mattress and crawled back in bed.  Kari reached over with her hand to say good night and grabbed my hand, at which point I freaked out and smashed her hand thinking somehow the giant spider had survived the assault of Doom and had crawled in bed to ambush me.  Once I was assured it was just Kari’s hand, I settled in to go back to sleep.  I only lay awake for an hour or so thinking everything that moved or touched me was the revenge of the spider.   I can deal with broken bones and bleeding wound, but a giant spider is not my forte.

Giant spiders were not part of the deal when we moved to Africa.  I can handle the poverty conditions we encounter and the sickness and injuries people come to the clinic with, but come on man spiders?

Karson’s Kreepy Korner will be posted today if we can get the pictures to upload.  The enormous spider would have been a great addition, but it met its demise when it met with the Spider whisperer or spider screamer depending on who it telling the story. 
Matthew OrtegaComment